Uncomfortable with Me

were now at the end of the semester
ive lost 10 pounds and even though im proud of myself
im still uncomfortable with me.....
its almost sickening but its all that i know
since ive lost my favorite sweater(my safety blanket)
its hard for me to wear fitted shirts by themself
even if i look good in them....
i changed what i was wearing today idk how many times this morning.....
im constantly pullin and tugging and my arms are getting tired...


My girl Jenny and I had a good talk today about how i felt like im selling out
it began with a quote she had in her away
"ive seen people sell weed slower than you sold your soul"

basically i feel like in order to get work
i have to lose weight..... being at that last audition
and me being the only one 6 foot 3 weighing in at a whopping 271
clearly makes me not able to be marketed.....
why hire someone overweight with talent
when you kan hire someone with the look and talent for the same price
i just feel like why should i have to obtain and maintain something ill never be
and that im not sure i even wanna be
but then again i wanna work in this industry
which when you think about it based on looks and appearance
i mean talent is always a great thing but if u can do just enough
your image could be what propels u forward......


i love dance so much but i feel like
im not being takin seriously
and when it comes to dance ive always had to prove myself
kuz i dont fit the "Mold" of a dancer




after talkin to Jenny http://losanjelous.blogspot.com/
i learned everything kan be manipulated
and im gonna find a way to make the mold fit me
kuz im tired of this self consciousness
and this blatant uncomfort


i guess i just gotta work on me internally ass well as externally
untill i found out where i wanna be